:/

aaah

why do I do this to myself?

I know I work best when I'm under pressure, but that's only cos I'm too lazy to work when I'm not

oh well I suppose I get it all done in the end :/

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh (now with three extra 'a's)

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
(this is like the start of four weddings)



hmmm I am screwing myself time is scarily running out
I need to finish my drama work and I can't afford to spend anymore time on it after tomorrow
but I want to go to chris's thing but I really don't think I can afford to :(

I may just have to cancel :\

sometimes the 'poetry' I write in my head
I feel the need to write down

I'm never sure if this is a good idea

what else can one do but live life moment by moment





it solves all sort of problems

today

I have been being half productive today, which means doing some work but probably enough
though it stupid cos I always say that but I really don't know how much work is 'enough'

anyhoo I have downloaded lots of new albums over the last two days
these have been

Earth to the Dandy Warhols-The Dandy Warhols
Octopus- The Bees
All of the Decemberists albums apart from The Crane Wife which Jo had sent to me
so: Castaways and Cutouts
Her Majesty
Picaresque
and The Hazards of Love

um and then I downloaded an andrew bird album
and lots of new beirut :)

I like being able to download torrents :)

its funny how bad times make children of us all

hmmm

I'm in the ongoing process of trying to get my head round my exams

this might seem like a strange idea, but I'm just trying to work out what I have to and what I'm going to do in them

they're so much prep work for most of them

or I'm doing so much because I don't want to fail




I <3 Andrew Bird



yeh I'm cool

I have too many ideas
and never the likelihood
of being able to carry
them out.

I feel I have been shortchanging my massive audience out there through my lack of posts

so for Kirsty's sake I will try and post something resembling, interesting-ness(?)
(why is it that my brain tells me that that last phrase could be constured as suggesting kirsty was massive? so point of order it was intended to be humorous)

haha what a douche, as if anyone who's going to be reading that isn't going to get the joke

oh well


I need to stop using 'douche' as much it's become my word of choice recently

I cycle through words of choice pretty regularly, so hopefully soon it'll have moved onto some thing else no doubt


YAY I have, with jo's help, worked out how to download all the new music I want ever ^^

which is sweeet

so far I have downloaded Andrew Bird-Armchair Apocrypha (an album I've wanted for months)
and Beirut- Gulag Orkestar and the Lon Gisland EP


I also bought Super Mario Galaxy for my parents, which despite promising to myself I wouldn't start playing til after my exams I have started



and right now I need to try and get my head round how I'm going to do and not fail my drama exams, which is kinda important as it's what I'm supposed to want to do with my life

thanks for that owen

In the -hood

There's some kind of crap
in your hair.
Young boy.
Pissing out the flame.
As he dances the music
plays, silhouetting him in the half
light of the spirit he has created, and
although he is just sitting there she
smiles
back at him
and for her this is it, this is where it
begins

a new experience

an initiation

of sorts.

A bronzed shield brushed with
burgundy,
A lamp pulsing twig limbs
all apart.
Brothers and
sisters, tugging the rope, drank
down the plug hole,
but in some kind of love.

Loft lifted out of written ropes,
rigged and fitted, doubt un-done,
beating to the heart of some
other one.

it's strange

houses at night always seem louder, this is a well established concept


but I also think houses which are your own at night seem louder,
maybe it's tied in with the idea in your brain that this isn't your house so you shouldn't be sneaking around in the dark
that coupled with you not knowing the layout

whereas at home you could do it with your eyes closed and do regularly

and cos of that things seem louder



maybe everything in my house is just quieter?

might be

NAH NAH IRON MAN!

NAHNAH NAHNAH NAH NAH IRON MAN!





that is all :)

I haven't posted on here for a while: my life has been stupidly hectic

and I don't mean that in the look at me look how much stuff I have going on in my life aren't I amazing, I mean it in the oh my god my head wants to explode way




but to some extent things have settled down now, at least for this brief moment I think



I have been playing with final cut, I realised there's so much cool stuff I can do on there I just don't know about. Paddy has been helping me with this (is it wrong to want to call him paddy am I alone in this?), I want to get a video camera, I may be able to buy jo's off her

then I'll be able to start having some proper fun

if I've the time


oh yeh and I've been sort of half getting into graphic novels recently, and by this I mean I've read Persepolis and Watchmen and spent a good half an hour or so perusing the graphic novels section in Borders with Laura and today I got one of the ones out of the school libary called 'Blankets' which I am enjoying.

I reckon if I get into these then I won't have to read all the 'serious classics' I should be. Books I do really want to read but just don't feel in the right sort of mood/state of mind (all the time josh?). Plus I reckon if I go down a different cultural route I can still claim superiority to my brother. Next stop get the other Alan Moore books/see if I can nab some of the Ultimate X-Men ones that Laura's reading at the moment and is raving about

that or start reading the Sandman ones by Neil Gaiman, I'd also like to get hold of Coraline, but I have been unable to find it so far


oh and Alice recomended me Daniel Clous to look into who did Ghostworld and that other one which is better and which I think has boring in the name but I can't remember what it's called

was bored, and slightly curious

102 Films to See Before You Die

[] "2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968) Stanley Kubrick
[ ] "The 400 Blows" (1959) Francois Truffaut
[ ] "8 1/2" (1963) Federico Fellini
[ ] "Aguirre, the Wrath of God" (1972) Werner Herzog
[x] "Alien" (1979) Ridley Scott
[] "All About Eve" (1950) Joseph L. Mankiewicz
[x] "Annie Hall" (1977) Woody Allen
[] "Apocalypse Now" (1979) Francis Ford Coppola*
[x] "Bambi" (1942) Disney
[] "The Battleship Potemkin" (1925) Sergei Eisenstein
[ ] "The Best Years of Our Lives" (1946) William Wyler
[ ] "The Big Red One" (1980) Samuel Fuller
[ ] "The Bicycle Thief" (1949) Vittorio De Sica
Total so far: 3

[ ] "The Big Sleep" (1946) Howard Hawks
[x] "Blade Runner" (1982) Ridley Scott
[ ] "Blowup" (1966) Michelangelo Antonioni
[] "Blue Velvet" (1986) David Lynch
[] "Bonnie and Clyde" (1967) Arthur Penn
[ ] "Breathless" (1959 Jean-Luc Godard
[ ] "Bringing Up Baby" (1938) Howard Hawks
[] "Carrie" (1975) Brian DePalma
[ ] "Casablanca" (1942) Michael Curtiz
[ ] "Un Chien Andalou" (1928) Luis Bunuel & Salvador Dali
[ ] "Children of Paradise" / "Les Enfants du Paradis" (1945) Marcel Carne
Total so far: 4

[x] "Chinatown" (1974) Roman Polanski
[] "Citizen Kane" (1941) Orson Welles
[] "A Clockwork Orange" (1971) Stanley Kubrick
[] "The Crying Game" (1992) Neil Jordan
[ ] "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (1951) Robert Wise
[ ] "Days of Heaven" (1978) Terence Malick
[] "Dirty Harry" (1971) Don Siegel
[ ] "The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie" (1972) Luis Bunuel
[ ] "Do the Right Thing" (1989 Spike Lee
[ ] "La Dolce Vita" (1960) Federico Fellini
Total so far: 5

[ ] "Double Indemnity" (1944) Billy Wilder
[x] "Dr. Strangelove" (1964) Stanley Kubrick
[] "Duck Soup" (1933) Leo McCarey
[x] "E.T. -- The Extra-Terrestrial" (1982) Steven Spielberg
[ ] "Easy Rider" (1969) Dennis Hopper
[x] "The Empire Strikes Back" (1980) Irvin Kershner
[] "The Exorcist" (1973) William Friedkin
[x] "Fargo" (1995) Joel & Ethan Coen
[x] "Fight Club" (1999) David Fincher
[] "Frankenstein" (1931) James Whale
Total so far: 9

[ ] "The General" (1927) Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman
[x] "The Godfather,"
[x] "The Godfather, Part II" (1972, 1974) Francis Ford Coppola
[] "Gone With the Wind" (1939) Victor Fleming
[] "GoodFellas" (1990) Martin Scorsese
[x] "The Graduate" (1967) Mike Nichols
[ ] "Halloween" (1978) John Carpenter
[x] "A Hard Day's Night" (1964) Richard Lester
[ ] "Intolerance" (1916) D.W. Griffith
Total so far: 13

[ ] "It's a Gift" (1934) Norman Z. McLeod
[x] "It's a Wonderful Life" (1946) Frank Capra
[x] "Jaws" (1975) Steven Spielberg
[ ] "The Lady Eve" (1941) Preston Sturges
[ ] "Lawrence of Arabia" (1962) David Lean
[ ] "M" (1931) Fritz Lang
[] "Mad Max 2" / "The Road Warrior" (1981) George Miller
[ ] "The Maltese Falcon" (1941) John Huston
[] "The Manchurian Candidate" (1962) John Frankenheimer
[] "Metropolis" (1926) Fritz Lang
[ ] "Modern Times" (1936) Charles Chaplin
Total so far: 15

[x] "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975) Terry Jones & Terry Gilliam
[ ] "Nashville" (1975) Robert Altman
[ ] "The Night of the Hunter" (1955) Charles Laughton
[] "Night of the Living Dead" (1968) George Romero
[ ] "North by Northwest" (1959) Alfred Hitchcock
[] "Nosferatu" (1922) F.W. Murnau
[ ] "On the Waterfront" (1954) Elia Kazan
[x] "Once Upon a Time in the America" (1984) Sergio Leone
[ ] "Out of the Past" (1947) Jacques Tournier
[ ] "Persona" (1966) Ingmar Bergman
[ ] "Pink Flamingos" (1972) John Waters
Total so far: 17

[] "Psycho" (1960) Alfred Hitchcock
[x] "Pulp Fiction" (1994) Quentin Tarantino
[ ] "Rashomon" (1950) Akira Kurosawa
[x] "Rear Window" (1954) Alfred Hitchcock
[ ] "Rebel Without a Cause" (1955) Nicholas Ray
[ ] "Red River" (1948) Howard Hawks
[ ] "Repulsion" (1965) Roman Polanski
[ ] "The Rules of the Game" (1939) Jean Renoir
[] "Scarface" (1932) Howard Hawks
[ ] "The Scarlet Empress" (1934) Josef von Sternberg
[x] "Schindler's List" (1993) Steven Spielberg
[ ] "The Searchers" (1956) John Ford
[ ] "The Seven Samurai" (1954) Akira Kurosawa
Total so far: 20

[] "Singin' in the Rain" (1952) Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
[] "Some Like It Hot" (1959) Billy Wilder
[ ] "A Star Is Born" (1954) George Cukor
[ ] "A Streetcar Named Desire" (1951) Elia Kazan
[ ] "Sunset Boulevard" (1950) Billy Wilder
[x] "Taxi Driver" (1976) Martin Scorsese
[ ] "The Third Man" (1949) Carol Reed
[ ] "Tokyo Story" (1953) Yasujiro Ozu
[ ] "Touch of Evil" (1958) Orson Welles
Total so far: 21

[ ] "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" (1948) John Huston
[ ] "Trouble in Paradise" (1932) Ernst Lubitsch
[x] "Vertigo" (1958) Alfred Hitchcock
[] "West Side Story" (1961) Jerome Robbins/Robert Wise
[ ] "The Wild Bunch" (1969) Sam Peckinpah
[x] "The Wizard of Oz" (1939) Victor Fleming
Total: 23


I have not watched enough 'classic' films it seems

I want

see there's a part of me that really wants to write one of those annoying as fuck whiny lists about all the thinga I want the things I wish weren't at the moment

but I think there's too big a part which would want to smack me round the face for it


I need another drink


or possibly some comedy



mostly I want that person back from where she is
tis only a matter of time
a day, in fact


shutupyaoldfool

I have not posted on here for quite some time

I guess it has been a rather strange week, all in all




I hate how I can have an idea or something, a little bit of inspiration of an idea but then when I try and expand upon it I get stuck and don't know what to put so I normally end up giving up, or if it's for school or something carrying on, doing the rest much worse than I wish it could be and then hating it after it's done


aaah I dunno, typically when everything should be happy and I should be content with everything I'm in a funny mood *rolls eyes at self*
it's probably just I've put off doing this work all weekend one way or another (and a pretty decent weekend it's been, the best I can remember for a long time for that matter) I now have to do it,and however much I'd like to go and play dawn of war all evening I know I have to go and do that and then come back and do this. And the thing is I'm sure I've got to the point in the coursework where I shouldn't just be trying to 'bang something out', but I don't know what else to do, certainly not with creative writing :/

ah I dunno we'll see what happens, half the time I feel I'm gonna fail english anyways, admittedly that mostly because of this looming coursework. That's the problem with being hand fed coursework at GCSE, you're screw-ed at A Level

Right I think that's quite enough whining/timewasting now I'm gonna go and waste my time in some other infinitely less annoying way.

oh :)

I'm all happy now

thank you Rain man/conversing with people I like :)

although

what's REALLY scaring me is the thought that no one's gonna come online at all

I've always felt

that melancholia is just a hairs breadth away, and that to have it leak through you just have to take away one, or all, of the things that keeps the flood at bay


maybe I just feel this way because I've got the weekend blues


I want to watch a film, but not a too long one in case I miss people coming online :/

it's that bad